Of Ewoks and Emperors
As a exercise, I’ve been rewriting Return of the Jedi. The characterizations in this movie needs some work - Han Solo was a wimp and Darth Vader was practically friendly. My hope is to return these characters to their Empire Strikes Back glory. As I began disassembling the structure of the script, determining the causes for each event, the motivations of the characters, etc, a certain curiosity began to knock about my mind: Can I get rid of these overly cute Ewoks? Now, that’s something worth doing! To my surprise, the task is harder than it seems.
The script for Jedi is very tight and well structured. Change one thing, and others quickly fall apart. For example, take the egregious case of Lando - We are asked to believe that the Rebellion would, in their most desperate hour, not only enlist Lando - a lying smuggler baron who sold key rebellion officers to the Empire - but that they’d eagerly make him a general based on some rumor that he’d been clever once. On the other hand, if you loose this bit, who’s going to fly the sexiest ship in the galaxy during the biggest battle in history? Wedge???
The Ewoks are even more solidly welded to the structure of the movie. Although they are annoyingly cute and an obvious pander to younger viewers, they are the clincher; the Secret Weapon every Sci-Fi or spy movie has ever used. Without them, the Rebellion would have been crushed and I wouldn’t have bothered seeing it three times in one week.
Remember that the whole plot centers around a trap: The Emperor has arranged everything to bring the entire Rebellion to a single place where they can be crushed by the full force of the Imperial fleet and the Death Star Ray Gun v2.0.
The Emperor is no slouch - this is the guy who, through scheming and plotting, single-handedly overthrew the old republic, massacred the Jedi, and built a powerful military machine to cement his position. That’s a pretty impressive resume demonstrating some finely honed skills: persuasion, strategy, politics, and above all, thoroughness. Now add the fact that he’s a Sith Lord with voodoo powers of clairvoyance, and you’ve got some pretty amazing attention to detail. This guy has thought of everything. That’s why he knows he’s going to win, and that’s why we believe him. (And we’ve got to believe him if the movie’s going to be any fun).
The Ewoks earn their Secret Weapon badges because they are the one force that the most meticulous ruler in history might overlook: they’re a bunch of furballs with pointy sticks after all. What harm could they do? Heck, the Emperor probably tortured a few of them for entertainment. They were overlooked, and indeed they tipped the power balance towards the Rebels when they helped a wookie climb into an AT-ST.
So, if we loose the Ewoks, we loose our Secret Weapon, and we loose our happy ending. There are plenty of standard tricks we could employ here - Rebels taking advantage of Imperial corruption, or allying with some well-placed, sympathetic Imperial - but those are even more unpleasant. You’ve got to hand it to Lucas, having teddy bears overthrow the ultimate Machiavellian is pretty creative - even if it is cute.
Personally, I think it’d be more interesting if the Emperor’s error were in underestimating the character of a man - or maybe men: Luke and Han. While I’d love to have Han save the day, it wouldn’t really be Return of the Jedi, would it? It wouldn’t fit the greater arc of the Jedi & Skywalker family.
Maybe if R2 had a ring that he had to destroy…
